An amazing sunset the other night...

There was an amazing sunset the other night.. I managed to snap a few photos...

which flowers should I choose????

The wedding is tomorrow and I can't decide which flowers to use in the bouquet.. I have four colours of lilies to choose from but can't decide.. here are the choices... [click to see full size photos]

 We have a vibrant yellow lily....

A yellow and orange combination...

 A beautiful shiny orange...

and a deep, passionate red colour... I need help in choosing!!

I now have the dress for the wedding...

With the wedding in a couple of days I was leaving it down to the last possible minute.. lol.  But I have picked out my dress.  We're doing a wedding on a budget with recycled rings [we were both married before], borrowed dress for the wedding dress, and flowers grown in my own garden.  This is the dress I'm wearing that I borrowed from my niece who is also my witness.. thank you Natasha!!!  Click on the pictures to see them enlarged. 

The dress is a simple shift dress but it looks wonderful on and I'm also borrowing a beautiful set of pearls to wear with the dress and also the shawl that is in the pictures also.  The shawl is taupe which goes wonderfully with the off white dress.  The dress has sequins on it that show up best in the first picture because they sparkle all rainbow colours under the right light.

"The" plans

I have been told a time or two in my life to "Never say never" and it is once again coming true.  I had said that I would never get married again and here I am making plans to tie the knot once again next month.  Since Ron and I have been together for 10 years [as of July 1st] we thought, what the heck, and decided to make it legal.  We're just exchanging vows, no one will be there except the two witnesses... there will be no party afterwards, just a nice meal for the four of us after the nuptials.  There will be some pictures but the whole process shouldn't take more than 10 to 15 minutes.  We are recycling rings, Ron has one from one of his two previous weddings and mine is my ex's ring that I had resized for a total of $35.00.  I'm borrowing a dress to wear and hope my Stargazer lilies are in bloom for my bouquet.  We have our license, paid for the justice of the peace and the total for everything should even out to around $500.00, less than what people would pay for the engagement ring alone [we aren't bothering with that ring, just the wedding band].  So it's a practical, level headed process.   Over the last ten years we have had all the romantic gestures our hearts could want.. and both of us don't want muss or fuss so we are left with practical, so in essence, that is the romantic part.

The "Dog" Whisperer

This is literally the story of the "Dog" whisperer, that is my dog, Tinka, the ShihTzu/Pekingese mix who is a total of 12 pounds + has a way with animals that are huge!!   Like big, scary horses or cattle that like to rub noses with her.  She amazes me because these animals seem to be drawn to her and her to them.  She never barks at them and she seems to think that they are overgrown dogs or something.  She is a wonder dog.

Making a list and checking it twice...

• decided to get married *check
• picked the date *check
• got copies of needed documentation *check
• picked the witnesses*check
• picked the location *check
• decided on a Justice of the Peace *check
• recycled and resized my ring *check
• got the marriage license *check
• picked what  vows to recite *check
• decided what to wear x nope, not yet
• got flowers x nope but hoping my star gazer lilies are in bloom when the day arrives next month
• decided where to take the witnesses after the short, but sweet ceremony x nope but we have a month to decide

A sad goodbye.

Ron's 21 month old grandson died yesterday.  It was so sad but at the same time was a relief that he's finally at peace. 

RIP little Charlie.

Growing up

I had a doctor's appointment today for a followup on the fact that I had increased my dosage of Victoza the last time from .6 mg to 1.2 mg, so it's been doubled.  I still haven't started to lose weight again but good news is that my blood sugars are back down into the normal range.  Normal is below 7 and my readings on my A1C's were 6.4, down from my last readings which were 6.9 so they were on the verge of being over normal.  So that gave me some comfort. 

I told Michelle, the nurse who has been with me during this whole process and who is a nurse practitioner, that I'm unsure what I should do, whether I should increase the Victoza again to the highest dosage of 1.8 [which will be very expensive] or stay on the dosage I'm on now and see if I can get my head in the right place to start eating right.  She told me it's entirely up to me whether I should do that or not but that I'm on the injections mainly for my blood sugars and that it is doing the job because my blood sugars are perfectly normal.  She also said that I'm being too hard on myself and that I know what to do because I've done it before and that is to get my eating back on track. 

I agree that it's something that I have to work out in my head and that the Victoza is not going to do it for me, I have to do the work.  I also feel like there is a weight lifted off of my shoulders because, even though I'm not eating properly, the medication is working and imagine how much better it will work once I take control of my life again.  Losing the weight isn't the end of it, it's just the beginning because the rest of my life I will have to be diligent to maintain the weight loss because I know how easy it is to slip back into the old habits and to put the weight back on before you know it, even to the point of gaining more weight.

I know that I don't have to rush to take the weight off today because it took me 60 years to put it on and what makes me think that I could take it off in a couple of months?  Pretty arrogant I'd say.. lol.   I've been struggling since I came off of the clinical study with my cravings and my mind set that I'm somehow entitled to eat whatever I want.  Crazy thinking that I've been trying hard to overcome.  In a way it was a mixed blessing that the first injections worked so well so quickly because I've been expecting these ones to do the same so that I don't even have to try.. well it's been a rude awakening but a learning experience as well.  I don't know, I may finally be growing up, maybe?

Stay Below the Radar

Over the last few days something rotten is afoot and as we all know, rotten feet can be quite unpleasant.  You see, it's election day in Canada today and the political parties are trying to vie for our votes.  We got a call a couple of days ago when I was at work from the Conservatives wanting to verify that I gave them permission to put a sign on our lawn.  Ron told them that he was sure that I would not do that but they said for me to call them back as soon as I got home from work because they have word that I had given said permission in a phone call.

Now Ron is aware that I would rather have bamboo shoots under the finger nails than have a Conservative sign even within sight of our home.  But I called them as soon as I came through the door and said "No, under no circumstances would I want their sign on my lawn!!"

Well, as we are aware, the Conservatives don't like to admit that they have made a mistake so I am now in their radar and on their list for "special" treatment.   Multiple times a day I have been getting spam phone calls from Stevie and his cronies because they believe I'm so in love with him and want him to continue his dictatorship.  I have also received flyers every day addressed to me personally from the sleaze.. I feel so dirty!!  

So Canada, please, please, please get it right this time and vote in someone, anyone else, than Stephan Harper!!  But do vote, because if you don't, than they will win and we will lose.  Also, vote smart, if there is a close race between a Conservative and another candidate, vote the one that has a chance of gaining a seat over the Cons... Let his reign of terror finally come to an end!

The cuteness factor

We had the electricians in today to install our heavy wiring for our new electric heat and our dog, Tinka, a Pekingese/Shiatsu mix decided to do her Rambo impersonation.  At first she was cute with her charging the baby gate in the kitchen, yapping and generally being all macho.  And then she became a nuisance.  I'm not sure exactly what the tipping point was but there must be some kind of formula to determine where it occurred.   Something like [cuteness] by [ fluffiness] minus [dirty feet] divided by [sharpness of bark] by [% of sleep previous night] = [degree of irritation] / [cuteness factor] or something like that.

The perfect storm...

There is a perfect storm going on.. not outside.. but in my body.  You see, I have the flu.. and I've started a new medication, which, as it turns out is conflicting with my present medication.. and the flu.  The new medication is to replace the injections I was taking last year when I was on a clinical study for an injectable  medication for weight loss and  diabetes.  It was a 6 month study that was over in November.  Well, since I have been off of it I have gained back 10 of the 45 pounds that I lost, and my blood sugars have increased as well... not a good thing.  So my doctor put me back on the injections, well, not the ones I was on before because they still aren't available in Canada, these new ones are a once-a-day kind instead of once-a-week.   Also these new injections are easier to take because they are premixed and you just need to place a needle on the end of the pen device and inject.. easy peasy with no mixing, or measuring or removing of bubbles that form from the mixing etc. 

Now back to the perfect storm scenario.. I am on a medication from the pain clinic that is supposed to help with the pain in my back.  And one tiny, tiny problem with it is that it... wait for it... it.... has the side effect of weight gain and increased appetite... and that sort of defeats the purpose of the injections that reduce weight and decrease appetite don't you think?  So next week, when I go to the pain clinic, I'm going to tell them to take me off of the pain meds... I figure once I lose more weight then the strain on my back should decrease even more and besides, I don't plan on working much past my birthday in July anyway.  And when I'm at home I can manage the pain better because I can walk when I need to and rest when I need to.  

Now if I can just get rid of this terrible flu and stop running to the bathroom I think I'll be able to make it! 

Eagle Sighting

We came home Monday and there was an eagle flying in circles over our house, very close to it, about 10 feet from the roof.  It circled a few times, I so wish that I had had my camera with me at the time because it would have made a wonderful photo.  Thank goodness our dog and cat weren't outside at the time.  


Here are a couple of photos of it after it had landed on the neighbour's tree.  The pictures aren't that clear but you can see it in the centre of the photo at the very tip of the tree.


(if you want to see the images larger just click on them)

 In this photo you can see that there is a crow that was flying at the eagle, cheeky little bastard, and then the eagle took off after the crow, I'm not sure if it caught it or not because they flew out of sight behind the neighbour's house.
                                    

Wrong.. Wrong.. Wrong

I had to admit recently that I was wrong.. well, not wrong exactly, but mistaken, yeah that has a better ring to it.. mistaken.   I don't see wrong as a way to describe myself or my actions.  I was told years ago that I was stubborn, yeah right, and passive-aggressive.   Well the passive-aggressive one I can attribute to my late mother, she had the passive-aggressive thing down to a science.   I remember her saying to my father on more than one occasion when they were having a disagreement  "yeah, you're right, whatever." when they were arguing... meaning, I'll agree with you just to shut you the fuck up... is that passive-aggressive?... hmmmm maybe.  And the stubborn thing.. well, I was told that right before I got married to my now ex that I was stubborn and so was he and that we should work on that but what do young, early 20's people know about working on themselves, not much apparently because I couldn't see that trait in myself until many years later and that combined with passive-aggressive.. well, I pity my poor ex for having to deal with that from me, especially since I felt like the one put upon.  But now, many years later, I can admit that I was mistaken, I would say that's progress, don't you think?    Oh and the mistaken thing, I had to admit to Ron that CBC radio was better to listen to than the local radio station that had music from the 70's, 80's etc..  and it actually flexes my brain muscle... which is good at my age.   So whenever I'm in the car driving to and from work I have the radio set to CBC radio and find the time passes so much more quickly.

Well I bow to public opinion...

I have changed my background from a red to a reddish brown and I do like how it shows up my photos.  I don't like the kind of back that stands still while the text scrolls.. don't know why but I just don't. 

I saw a couple of coworkers from my previous job yesterday and I have to say that I'm glad I have the job I have and that I'm not working in Government any more.  Money is no substitute for peace of mind.

The Torture of Indecision..

I've wanted to have a change in my blog for a while now but I just can't seem to get the look I want so if anyone finds the red of the present background hard on the eyes just leave me a comment and I'll change it to a soothing green or blue.. or maybe pink.

The Obligatory Gift

I went to a banquet on Saturday night ("I" being myself and Ron) that was honouring the retirees from Provincial Government, myself included. There was a lovely turkey dinner and we were presented with a plaque and a "gold" watch. Very nice and except for our server being snarky because we didn't fork out $40.00 for a bottle of wine at our table, the evening went better than expected.. lol.

Went to Halifax to see the back specialist...

Went to Halifax on the 1st of November to see the back specialist.. it will be going on three years that I have been suffering with a bad back, in fact I retired in December of last year after being off for a year with it. The specialist I saw here on PEI did every test imaginable without being able to diagnose me and ended up treating the bursitis in my hip that was a result of the back problem but not the problem itself. The specialist in Halifax finally gave me a diagnosis, I have a cyst between the bottom two vertebrae which has been causing my problems that could have been treated years ago with a cortisone shot or surgery. I've lost over 45 pounds so I've had a lot of improvement and the specialist said if it flares up that I can get the shot and if that doesn't help he can do surgery, which would be day surgery so I suspect that they would just drain it but he said that they usually grow back but at least I have an answer to what the problem is.

By the way, I went from being in the high 190's to the low 150's since January. I would like to ideally be at 135 but if I stay at where I am I'm content because it has solved a whole host of health problems, my back being only one.

Never Say Never!!

Do we ever truly know someone, or even ourselves for that matter. I thought I had myself pigeon-holed as this person who didn't like retail, I would never work in retail.. yadda, yadda, yadda.. Yet here I am working in retail, and loving it by the way.

Also, I'm learning to never say never because if I do it's a sure sign that the "never" will be "for sure" and in no time flat. I said that I'd "never" sell my house that the kids grew up in even after I got my divorce but a short while after my brother helped me to do it all over I sold it. I said that I'd "never" leave my government job, and then said I'd never return, but after I sold my house I took a leave of absence and moved to the west coast from my home on the east coast of Canada and then 9 months later moved back and ... you guessed it... back to my government job.

I said I'd "never" get into another relationship but I'm now in a 9 year one that looks like it's going to be for keeps. I said I'd never buy another house but we have been in this new/old one for 7 years now and loving it.

We said we'd "never" get another dog when our sweet Missy had to be put down but we now have Tinka who we adore.

So all in all I have to be careful what I say I'll Never do, which reminds me, I said I'd never get married again.. hmmm... do you think a spring or summer wedding would be best?... just sayin'

Hello fellow blog readers.. how was your day?

Well I have finished my 6 month clinical study and will have a follow-up visit 10 weeks after my last injection. My blood sugars are wonderful and I've lost over 40 pounds. I'm down to around 155 pounds and the reduction in weight has made a dramatic improvement with my back. I hope to lose another 15 pounds or so to get down to what my doctor considers an ideal weight for me because of my age she doesn't want me to lose too much weight because if I get sick I should have some weight to fall back on. My blood pressure is improved to the point that I'm on 1/2 the dose of medication for that. The only down side of this is that my cholesterol didn't go down enough so my doctor prescribed a cholesterol lowering medication.

And since my back has improved dramatically I decided to get myself a little part time job to supplement my pension that is reduced because I retired early. So I applied for and got a job at a small retail store called Bentley's that sells luggage, purses, wallets and various other similar items. I'm assistant manager and so far I'm loving it. I work around 25 hours a week and they are very flexible with the hours, in fact I can pretty well pick when I want to work [within reason of course]. I always said that I'd never work retail [I know, never say never] but I'm really enjoying the whole experience and it's so much less stressful than working for the Government.

I got a letter from a specialist in Halifax called doctor Oxner who's an orthopedic specialist and surgeon who is going to see me about my back problems. I wasn't going to go because my back has improved so much but thought that it would be to my advantage to see him because then I might get some answers about why I was in so much pain and why I still continue to have pain, although at a lesser degree. I also figured if I didn't go and see him and my back got worse [being that it's a degenerative condition that is most likely] then I might have to wait another 2 years or so to see him. My appointment is on November the 1st so I have time to work around that day with my schedule.

My tomato plants that I took pictures of below are growing very well, I've had a steady supply of those Tiny Tim tomatoes which are about the size of a small grape and I pop them like candy. The other tomatoes are a weird shape, long and narrow and come to a sharp point. They take a lot longer to ripen but are very delicious as well.

Our weather has been really unusual this year, we have been having midsummer weather in the fall with record high temperatures but it has been saving on the wood pellets. Well, have a great day and enjoy the sunshine while you can.

I'm going blog crazy!!! More photos..

Ahh summer is almost here and my flowers are doing wonderfully so far and also my neighbour gave me a couple of tomato plants that I planted next to the house out of the wind, which today, turned out to be a wise move.. I'm sure all you savvy bloggers know to click on the images, sometimes twice, to see them in all their glory.. hmmm?

Here are my Iris's they went from three blossoms to this the next day..


And my Columbine.. they shot up out of nowhere.. and is so beautiful.. now my goal is to get some Foxglove.. hint hint Janet.. :-)

I caused my doctor to do a little happy dance..

That's right, my doctor, once he got my blood sugar results did a little dance around the office.. I was happy to provide him with his happy injection [pardon the pun].. The diabetic association nurse called me last week and said that my diabetic three month test came back with a 2 point drop from 8.2 down to 6.2 in three months.. she also said this is what caused my doctor to do the rumba.. *wish I had seen that*: -) She also said that I have had the most dramatic improvement of all the test patients so that made me proud as well... I should be going in next week for my next follow up visit to get another supply of Exenatide and to have my cholesterol retested. Wonder if that will cause further merriment in an otherwise serious establishment?

I feel slightly la-de-da today...

I have taken up drinking green tea.. since I've started my diabetic treatment I've been having horrendous heartburn.. I've been blaming it on the Metformin but I have come to the conclusion that it has to do with all the coffee and diet pop that I've been drinking since I've retired... so last night I decided to drink some green tea and I do believe that I'm on to something.. I had one cup of coffee this morning to get my caffeine fix and now I'm drinking green tea and so far so good..

Oh and speaking about the Diabetic treatment, it's going really well... so far I've lost 20 pounds since I started 3 months ago with another 3 months to go of injections and I'm down 30 pounds at least from Christmas time [I lost at least 10 pounds before I started the treatment].. so I'm pretty happy with being 162.8 this morning considering I was well over the 190 mark at Christmas time. I haven't been this light since I was in my early 20's and with another 3 months to go I can see myself getting down to the 135-140 as my goal. But if I plateau at this weight or even in the 150's then I'll have huge health benefits.

Windy out eh?

I looked with horror as my newly blossoming Poppies were whipped by the strong winds this morning.. so I threw on some clothes and went out to put some bamboo stakes in the ground to use as anchor points for my string to hold the plant in place. I didn't realize when I bought the stakes that bamboo is rather fragile.. hmmmm ironic that they should be selling it as a stake material.. so now I have the plant surrounded by green bamboo tied together with white string.. not the most attractive setup but at least I feel that my Poppies have a fighting chance. PEI is a rather windy province so this was to be expected.. I said that I was going to put the stakes in yesterday evening but procrastination is a bitch.

My Garden is Finished.. YEAH!!!

I finished weeding and mulching and arranging the rocks on my garden. Some flowers were unfortunately lost in the process but overall I believe that it improved the overall aura of the garden... since the flowers that I eliminated were the kind that overwhelm a garden and are best left out... more and more flowers are blooming daily and it's a joy to go out and get my hands dirty in the earth.. Here are some pictures of the garden complete..









Why does my house look like something in a psychedelic dream?.. It's melting!!!

When I do something...

I realized that when I do something, I don't actually do it.. I over-do it. Like today, I decided to work in one of my flower beds and get rid of all the weeds and put down some black cedar mulch. I went out around 2 pm thinking that I'd work for a little while and then quit.. well a couple of hours later when I could hardly walk from the pain in my back I, or rather Ron, decided I should stop and give it a rest.. But I only have a little bit of mulch left in the bag I reasoned and was assured that it would be there in the morning if I can drag my carcass back outside to finish. It was a wonderful day today for working outside though, the ground was soft from all the ran we had, making it easier to pull out the nasty weeds and grass that grows better than my flowers and it was cool with a nice breeze and not too much sunlight peeking from behind the clouds so there were no bugs to speak of. Hopefully tomorrow brings similar weather.

Oh Dear Blogger.. I'm so sorry!!

Dear Blogger Diary..

I'm so sorry for deserting you for facebook and especially FarmVille.. the addiction above all addictions.. if it wasn't for my sister, Janet, asking for the link to you I would have never remembered to come back and write on your walls once again... So thank you Janet.. **I think**

I have so much stuff to write about that I'm tired already. But seriously, a lot has happened in the last two or three months. To begin with, I am now part of a clinical study for a new diabetic treatment. It's a six month study and I started the latter part of March. The part of the case study that I'm a part of is an injection called Exenatide and I inject it once a week. Since I started on it some amazing things have happened (and some not so amazing things but I'll tell you about them later.)... What the medication does is it slows down your digestion so that you eat less and fell full longer, I can attest to the feeling full longer, and faster. So over the past couple of months I have drastically changed my eating habits and as a result have dropped from a very unhealthy 190 plus (I conveniently blanked out how many pounds above 190 I was but it was more than 1 and less than9) pounds before Christmas down to 165 pounds as of this morning.

Because of the weight loss I have found a marked improvement in my back (you may recall that I had to retire because of constant back and leg pain).. I was also able to come off of one of my two oral medications, my blood pressure on my last doctor's visit was down to 108/70 and if it goes any lower they are considering reducing my blood pressure medication or even eliminating it altogether. My cholesterol is reduced as well as my blood sugars are normal where my family doctor was considering putting me on insulin.

Now the not so nice effects. The injection sites have been really itchy and red hot up until this last injection which has finally had a very mild irritation which lasted a half a day. There are also lumps under the skin where the injections were given because it is a slow release medication that stays under the skin.

I have had to buy myself some new pants because the size 16 ones I have been wearing were getting so baggy on the crutch that it was embarrassing to wear them and I got three pairs of pants at a used clothing place in size 12 that fit perfectly. I didn't want to buy too many clothes because I hope to keep losing over the summer.. The real test will be once I finish the injections to see if I will gain the weight back again.. I sure hope not!

Has it been that long?

Christmas is coming.. has it been that long since I last posted. You'll be happy to hear that Christmas came and went. Just a minute while I get a feather duster and get rid of some of the cobwebs. *cough cough*... very unsanitary leaving the place like this.. dust and spider webs everywhere....

Shall I go back in time or forward? I think I'll start here and go back, that way if I get bored then at least you'll be current on what's happening to me. Mmmm I have to go back on this particular item. Right before Christmas I signed up for some sessions at the diabetic clinic because my blood sugars were getting out of control and that has been going on for the last year or so.. I believe it is a combination of diet and stress. Later I got a phone call asking if I wanted to partake in a Clinical Study of a new diabetic medication. They put me through a barrage of tests and I should hear this week if I'm accepted. The thing about the medication is that it's also a weight loss medication so I well get double benefit.

Well off to bed. Will keep you *all updated.

*All meaning any possible person that may wander by and take a gander at my ramblings :)

Christmas is coming!!!

Ready or not.. here Christmas comes once again. It's just three weeks away. Where the heck did the summer go? I can't believe that I haven't worked (other than a couple of weeks) for nearly a year!! But now I'm retired and I have all the time in the world. I may put my tree up this weekend.. it might make me feel a little more festive.

I have been dealing with a virus in my computer. In getting rid of it I had to delete some files only to find out that they were false alarms. I know now that I should have put the files in the vault or tried to repair them instead of deleting them.. now they tell me!!

My house is finally finished..

The house is finally finished on the outside with new windows, siding and even a new storm door on the side. It really looks nice. And it is pretty well done on the inside, but are you ever really done?



Just a picture of some really weird carrots.. !!

Couple of pics of Tinka... Plus some random pics.

Picture taken the last of October.. everything is still so green!!


I took this picture and thought.. what the heck is that white speck in the field...



I discovered it was my cat, Penny, looking for mice... mmmm mice... and she likes to share..



Tinka saying.. "hurry up Mom!!"




I say that I'm taking her for a walk.. but sometimes it's the other way around..

Well it's the end of an era..

It's the end of an era, if you can call it that, what constitutes an era anyway? I'm meeting with the people at my employ to officially retire. I have been without any money coming in for 7 months and my appeal has been denied, yet again. I also took an allergic reaction to the latest medications that the doctor gave me for depression (how depressing it that?)... and the Steven Johnson's has come back.

So I will get a settlement from work of one week's pay for every year that I worked (16 years) ... so at least we can put some money back in my savings and pay off the credit cards that were piling up because of needing them for emergencies.

I feel at peace with the whole thing and maybe I can get some relief now that the pressure is off. So it's an ill wind as they say.

I decided I'm going to try my hand at creating 3D products for Poser. There will be a huge learning curve but I now have the time and the desire to try my hand at something new. I'll probably start with free items just to break into the market and once I improve on what I'm doing then I'll create some for sale items. My 2D artwork is popular and I'm using them a lot in my artwork as well.

When I was so depressed in the last few weeks I got involved in a bunch of applications on facebook.. it's great mind numbing entertainment but once I got to a point where I hit rock bottom and then came back up again I tired of it.. It was just depressing me again with all the virtual money I was making while the physical money wasn't there... : |

I'm really depressed about Christmas coming because I have no money for gifts... my daughter is very understanding but I don't know how the grandkids will deal with it.. Oh well, I guess they will have to deal with reality some time.. it took me long enough before I finally did.

HELLO.. HELLo..HELlo.. Hello.. hellooooo...

Wow.. gotta do some housecleaning and get rid of some of the cobwebs that have accumulated here over the last little while.. last post was a couple of months ago.

Well, my doctor put me off of work indefinitely.... I tried going back to work and was an emotional wreck because of the pain. My doctor also gave me an anti-depressants.. and it seems to be working somewhat.. I just upped the dose today after being on it for a week (doctor's orders).

I also sent in the appeal to the insurance company for the Long Term Disability.. I have a diagnosis from my chiropractor who saw the x-rays of my back and diagnosed it immediately. He also showed me the x-rays and even my untrained eye could see that my bottom vertebrae is tilted to the right, where all the pain originates. He said that my vertebrae is thinner on one side because of my degenerative condition and is pinching on the sciatic nerve. His recommendation is that I either have surgery or that I go on LTD. We'll see if his recommendation has any weight with the insurance company.. I'm not holding my breath.

My family doctor is trying to set me up with a surgeon who specializes in the spine to see if surgery is necessary. I think that being in pain for two years would constitute a need for surgery but we'll see how that goes.

On a lighter note, our new puppy, Tinkabelle or Tinka for short, is just so sweet and cuddly that it makes my day brighter just to be around her.. even if she does occasionally go to the bathroom in the house, even though we let her outside a dozen or so times a day.. *sigh*.. the joys of dog ownership... lol

Tinka's adventure into the big world...

some videos...

Tinka's new style of travel.. and Ron gets to carry a purse... :)

Some Pictures of Tinka

Good day my dear readers...

I am still here although I haven't wanted to bore you all with tales of my woes.. I'm still off of work so there is no money coming in and I'm getting desperate. I put a request in to return to work on a trial basis but apparently my doctor hasn't sent the papers back to my workplace yet.. also they have to find me a job that will accommodate my reduced abilities. I feel like I'm sinking in a sea of despair... now aren't you glad I've avoided sharing that little bit of cheer your way?...

On a brighter note we have gotten a little puppy (I know ... another one?)... well the last pup only lasted two weeks and he went back.. he was very destructive with chewing and messing all over the house. So we waited a while and now we have a hybrid pup.. part Shih Tzu and part Pekingese, and her name is TinkaBelle but we call her Tinka for short. She's tan and white and pretty smart and very adorable.. I'll post a couple of pictures of her so you can see what she looks like. Ron has her almost house broken and at 12 weeks that's pretty good I'd say.

Was to see the specialist once again.

I was to see the specialist once again to get the results of the CT scan.. I've now had a CT scan, a full bone scan and an MRI...

I have good news and bad news .. the good news is that it's not bone cancer that is causing my pain which the specialist was afraid of. The bad news is that it's not anything that can be fixed surgically and the specialist doesn't feel comfortable filling out the long term disability because he can't make a definitive diagnosis. So I asked him where that leaves me. He said that the pain will have to be managed somehow (and he couldn't seem to understand why I was upset, just thought that I should be elated that it wasn't cancer!)

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad it's not cancer but I'm still frustrated with the pain. He is going to give me a cortisone shot on the 28th to see if that can help. I told him that I already had a cortisone shot and it didn't help, he said that he is going to give me a much stronger shot because if the shot isn't strong enough or isn't in the exact correct place then it may not work (encouraging eh?).

Also, the note that my family doctor gave me for the EI was only for the first of April so that is run out as well, I'm seeing her on the 27th to see if she can give me another note for the remaining 7 weeks I'm entitled to for EI and then hopefully the cortisone shot will work and I can get back to work next month some time.

The specialist as well is suggesting that I be enrolled in a pain management clinic. So after the shot hopefully I can start back to work. Send healing thoughts my way everyone.

Oh and just a side note: We took the pup, Bailey, back to the Humane Society because he was putting us in a lot of stress that we didn't need at this time.

Well the cat, Penny, told Bailey what for last night.. lol.. Bailey was wanting to play with her but Penny would have nothing of it.. Penny went up a few steps and Bailey was barking at her.. then Bailey started up the steps to play with her and Penny hauled back and swatted her on the nose a couple of times (Penny has no front claws so it scared Bailey more than anything.. lol)... Right now Bailey is at the bottom of the stairs and Penny is about three steps up and won't let Bailey come any further.. lol.. I don't think our cat is too happy with us peoples..

My Gawd! that dog chews a lot.. and puts everything in his mouth!.. you can't lay anything anywhere and he's into it.. and taking him for a walk you have to keep moving or he eats pebbles.. at least he doesn't mind you putting your fingers into his mouth to take stuff out... I hope this puppy stage doesn't last too long (I know.. yeah right.. lol)

Well we got through the first night with him.. he made it to the pee pads 50% of the time .. so we'll have a job getting him house-broken but he spent the night upstairs with Ron in his room and was really quiet all night with no whining so that's good.. he's teething so we have to keep an eye out that he doesn't destroy the furniture and offer him a chew toy when he gets to gnawing on something he's not supposed to .. I think that yesterday he was getting over the anesthetic from his surgery from the night before because he threw up a bit after we took him for a walk.. but he was excellent walking on the leash considering it was his first time!!!!

We have renamed him from Trouble to Bailey and he sure is one handsome boy.. and he'll have a lot more energy than our last little doggie... whether that's good or bad remains to be seen.. lol..

New member of the family..

Well it's been a month, almost to the day, that we had to put our Missy down. We had went to the humane society of PEI and were looking at dogs but I think that we were trying to get another Missy. That wasn't fair to the dogs or to us. So when we saw a litter of pups come up for adoption we (make that me) decided that we would go for something completely different instead .. this is Trouble and he's a part smooth collie and part mutt.. he had been well socialized and gets along with cats. He's going to get a lot bigger than our little Missy was but than again Ron will be able to take him on walks and he will actually be able to keep up unlike Missy who would be great going but not coming home, she would normally drag behind. I'm looking forward to having another dog in the house but not looking forward to the house training.. pooo pooo ewwwy.. lol..

We're back and forth on getting a dog. We went to the spca shortly after we lost Missy to look at dogs but I think that it was too soon. I sent an email to a dog breeder friend about her keeping an eye out for us on a dog but she hasn't gotten back to me on that yet. There is an interesting dog on the spca web page right now called Harmony that we may have a look at (she's good with cats which is a plus for us because of Penny the cat, poor thing, has put up a lot with Sophie and then Missy). We'll just have to wait and if the right dog is out there we will know it when we see it.

On Penny, she's such a patient cat, when we were giving them both a treat, Missy was the one who gulped her food before it hit the floor and Penny was daintily eating hers and Missy would take the food right out of Penny's mouth and Penny wouldn't do a thing, not hiss or growl, just let Missy do whatever she wanted. And Missy was so jealous of Penny that if Penny started to go towards me Missy would push at her feet with her muzzle like she was herding sheep and Penny would just walk away from me without putting up a fuss. Now Penny has all of my attention and she's getting so cuddly, sitting on my lap in the evening while I'm watching TV.

That's the main reason why we are taking our time with getting another dog because we want to be sure it will get along with Penny.

Yet more tests coming...

Just got back from the specialist and I'm still no further ahead.. from the MRI they detected, in the lumbar area where there is some pinching of the nerves that come out but not to the extent that surgery is required.. but in my hip area there was an inflammation showing up from the bone scan that he is going to follow up on.. so in for more tests.. this tiime a CT scan of that area.. he's going to put urgent on it because of the long wait I've had up to this point.. so he said I may get a call this week and to contact them as soon as I get my call so that they can schedule a follow up appointment.. oh and the cancer thing was a mistake... whew.. which I figured it was anyway..

In an hour I go to my doctor to get the results of my bone scan...

In an hour I go to my doctor to get the results of my bone scan...I'm not sure if I want there to be something operable or not... my brother has had back surgeries and he said avoid an operation at all costs.. his operation didn't hold ... so I'm sort of torn about the whole thing... it would be nice to have an operation and have everything taken care of but at the same time it would be good to be able to fix it without surgery (say with proper physiotherapy)... So I'll know shortly and then next Monday I see the specialist to get the results of my MRI on my lumbar spine... My stomach is in knots right now.. I hate the unknown!!!!
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Back home and this is what I found out!!!


Now that was a bizarre, unsettling appointment... first off the results of the bone scan showed some inflammation (no big surprise there) but no pinpoint of what was causing it.. I go Monday to see that specialist on the MRI.. but while I was there my doctor asked me if I had a chest x-ray done when I went in for the bone scan and I told her not as far as I know. Then she proceeded to tell me that there was a notation of CA lung which in doctor's terms meant lung cancer... she asked me if the specialist had mentioned lung cancer to me.. I told her no and so she said that it suggested x-rays so she sent me to the hospital to get them done and put a notation on it that she believes there was an error on the bone scan form (she suggested that maybe they couldn't make out his writing.. why in heavens name don't they have multiple choice forms where they can check off what they need done or else learn how to write legibly?). So off I trot to get the x-rays done which thankfully were quick and painless and in Canada is covered by medicare .. now I have to wait until Monday to see what the specialist says...

You may wonder if it's worth while to be entering contests on the net, or not if you're not aware of the 3D contest-entering world... besides perfecting your craft there are many many prizes to be won.. since I started entering competitions and having pictures picked for Picture Of The Week at websites devoted to 3D art.. (the first winning I see as December of 2007 but there could have been one or two before that) ... anyway.. in that little over a year I've won approximately $1075.00 worth of prizes!!!!!!!!!! Now if that isn't an incentive to enter some contests I don't know what is... lol...

Oh and I probably have many more times that in freebies from Daz since I joined in 2006 and started getting their newsletter... in fact there is only a small portion of my total runtime that I've had to pay for..

OK.. I just went through all of my Daz product to see the value of the items I got for free (I know.. but I don't have something better to do.. ) and it's mind boggling.. I got a total of $1919.30 of items completely free since October of 2006 and I know that there were periods of time that I didn't get any items because I was without a computer. There are a few items that are no longer available so I have no idea what the value of them are so we'll say that the value would be topping the $2000.00 mark... Also, from Daz3D I spent $166.80 and that includes the Platinum Club membership and two renewals.. so I actually spent $120.85 on actual products over the span of my membership and in addition to all the freebies I saved $1240.00 on products.. so I have saved at least $3160.00 in Daz products that I spent $166.80 to get.. I'd say that was pretty good return on my money don't you think?

So to sum it all up I have $3160 free from Daz plus the 1075.00 in prizes so that the value of the product that I didn't have to pay for is around $4235.00 give or take a few dollars... wow.. that blows me away big time.. I'm on a very tight budget so I don't have a lot of money to spend on all of this stuff but I have a humongous amount of product free.. WOW... gotta love the 3d world eh?

The Mail That Made Me Cry

Ron went out and checked the mail and there was a sympathy card from the vet's office (it had doggies on the front and With Heartfelt Sympathy on the Loss of Your Friend as a caption) with this hand written inside..

"Dear Ron and Kathy, You did the best you could and it is unfortunate Missy didn't understand. Then, in the end, you made the only kind decision. Our sympathy is with you in your loss... "

It was signed by all the staff... Makes me cry all over again to read it...

Oh and my niece Donna had given me a sympathy card and a little white doggy statue to put on my computer desk right after we lost Missy... that made me cry too... :*(

We went last week to the humane society to adopt another dog but our hearts just weren't in it.. the dogs were cute but not our Missy.. will take us a while to not compare a new dog with her.. if it ever comes about.

Our cat Penny is a lot more relaxed without a dog in the house.. I think that she was getting stressed (although she liked to torture the dog with her antics.. lol).

We made the hardest decision of my life yesterday.

We decided that it would be best all around to have Missy put down. Our vet agreed with us because of Missy's unusual sensitivity in her skin even on the scruff of her neck which is usually not sensitive at all and the fact that the insulin shots and the resulting strain on us and Missy was not good for any of us. We took her in and had a long talk with the vet explaining her reactions to getting the needle (he had first hand knowledge of her sensitivity) then told him that to have her put down would be the most humane thing to do and he agreed saying that she wouldn't understand why someone who has been so good to her would be putting her through so much pain every day. She was becoming cross and starting to nip at us if we put our hands near her neck. We were unable to give her the shot the day before because of her violent reaction to getting the needle and the resulting bending of the needle tip when we tried to get it into her. We said our goodbyes and both of us broke down and I'm still in mourning for our sweet little girl. Even though we knew it was for the best it's still tearing my heart out. It will be a long time before we ever get another dog, if ever. Thank goodness we have our cat Penny to help ease the pain somewhat although she's getting old too (she's 10 years old and an outside cat).

Giving Missy her shots has become a major stress all around

We are at the end of our ropes with giving Missy her shots. She has refused to allow us to do it and today the needle got bent because she struggles so violently when we try to give her the shots. Her skin is abnormally tender, her skin is very taught causing it to be difficult to pinch the skin to raise it up for the shot and the vet has said that he has never had a dog mind having a shot in the scruff of it's neck like Missy minds having one in hers. She even yelps when you pinch the skin gently in between your fingers. If it was just giving her the shots and she tolerated it there would be no problem but we are stressing all the way around now and we have to make a difficult decision tomorrow about whether we are prepared to continue on with it or let her go. She can't not have her insulin and I don't know if the stress we are putting her though and us through means that she will have any quality of life.

My back/hip has increased in pain because of the stress and I'm ending up having to take more Demerol as a result and I think I might be developing an ulcer. If we do decide to put her down it will devastate us both but if we don't what kind of a life is that for us as well. It may seem like we are selfish but I don't see it that way.. we gave it a good go at trying to do this for her sake. It just didn't work out.

Just a little addition to the previous post

Just a little addition to the previous post.. I know before if I ever heard of anyone who had an animal the was diabetic I thought (I'd never give an animal insulin shots.. I'd put the animal down first).... ahhhh the old "NEVER"... famous last words... lol

Our Missy has diabetes

Missy has been feeling unwell now for a couple of weeks and has been throwing up.. so yesterday we took her to the vet and had blood tests run. The vet thought it was diabetes with the possibility of Cushings Disease because of some of the symptoms.. Poor Missy had to have a muzzle put on her so that she wouldn't bit the nurse of doctor when they took a vial of blood out of her little skinny leg.. she looked like she was going to smother because she couldn't get her mouth open to pant and dogs don't do well with breathing through their noses.. When I got home yesterday I was beside myself with being upset.. the tests for the Cushings are very expensive (200 to 300 dollars just for the tests) and since I'm laid off on sick unemployment we were thinking that we would have to have her put down if it came to having to have multiple, expensive tests done on her..

This morning..

We had her to the vet this morning to have her first insulin shot and to have an antibiotic because she had a fever yesterday and from talking with the vet for an hour (and this is a Sunday to boot.. he had to go in and tend to the animals in the clinic so got us to go in and he charged us the regular visit fee) and I'm feeling a lot better about it... the threat of Cushings Disease is not looming over us as much.. he seemed to think that her diabetes is the main problem.. poor little Missy was just vibrating with fear when we took her in because of yesterday's experience.. but she took the needles well and now we have her home.. we have to give her a shot once a day because it's the slow release kind and he started her on a low dose for a few days to see how she tolerates it.. her blood sugars were more than double what they should be so she is definitely a diabetic... he said her liver is effected but hopes it will start functioning better once the insulin takes effect.

So hopefully she will return to a more normal life once everything levels out.. I guess at first Ron will have to give her her insulin shots but I will have to get over my fear of needles so that I can giver her her shot if he's not around.

My back is just killing me this morning and I had to take a Demerol when we got home because of the pain.. stress will tend to make my back worse and this morning and yesterday were BIG stress inducers..

Turn Around is Fair Play

Our cat Penny has a new way to torture our dog Missy. Missy is getting old and has a hard time maneuvering the stairs and takes a few moments to get started so usually I go upstairs first and know that she will be along in a few seconds.. but lately she's been standing at the bottom of the stairs and whining and when we go and look, here's Penny laying fully across the third or fourth step so that Missy can't get past her.. she gets really pissed off when we tell her to move too.. I have to say here that Missy has been chasing Penny since we got her almost so I guess this is Penny's way of getting to the top of the pecking order (literally).

More on the home front

First off, my doctor put me off of work for another two months until I get back to see the specialist. So I've had to apply for sick unemployment to carry my through until then. That must have been the hardest decision that I've had to make in my life. I was so stressed out about it that I got two huge cold sores on my mouth. Not a pretty sight but at least I'm not out and about much for people to see it.. lol. I had used up all of my sick time at work so if I took any more time off I would have to do it without pay and every morning now I wake up in pain and need to take Demerol so I can't function taking that. So here I sit..

My items are selling well at Renderosity, especially my wolves and my mind is bursting with other possible things to sell. I really love the whole concept and hope that I can come up with stuff that people will want to buy.

I went in for what I thought was an MRI on Monday but it turns out it was a bone scan instead. The machine that took the scan was all open on the sides so no fear of becoming claustrophobic the actual MRI on my lumbar spine on March the 3rd with an appointment with the specialist on the 16th to get my results. So my options are, go on long term disability, get fixed up or retire..

Missy had her haircut..

We braved the cold to take Missy in for her haircut.. we made sure we brought her little knitted sweater with us so that she would be warm afterwards.. at first she was a little miffed at us but now she's much better... Here's a before and after picture and a picture taken of her with her boyfriend Lovett who lives just down the street..








There's a story that goes with Missy and Lovett.. When we first got Missy, when we took her for a walk down the road, she'd growl at Lovett when he would come out to greet us. Lovett is so friendly and has been in love with Missy from first sight. I don't know all the detail of Missy before we got her but I don't think that she was socialized much with other dogs... she's usually very passive with other dogs on their property (don't let them come near HER property tho'..lol).. but with Lovett she wouldn't tolerate him, even on his property and she's growl at him and generally be a bitch... lol... But eventually she would put up with his smelling her and inviting her to play with an aloof indifference while Lovett would be all happy, bouncing love dog..

Gradually she got that she even would give him a tail wag and an occasionally a bark hello. Now I think that she's in love with him too.. she runs to greet him and races with him around the clay track where we walk (Lovett's owner has a clay track where they exercise their race horses).. It's so good to see Missy finally know how to play with another dog. So when we finally get back to see him she'll be able to show off her new haircut. Lovett will fall in love all over again...

Working on another product for my store

I have the angel wings and now the foxes in the store at Renderosity and I can put one more thing in there as well so I decided that I would do up some wolves. I'm going to have a total of 10 wolf figures like this one attached and I was trying to decide between $8.00 and $10.00 per pack and decided to split the difference and charge $9.00... I've had some good response on them so far where I showed them in a group I belong to.. So if I can make some extra pocket change then that would be great..

Got a haircut...

I picked today, the coldest day of the winter so far to get a haircut. My hair had gotten really long and since I have a short neck I find that shorter hair suits me better... also my hair is painfully fine so any kind of sweeping, french braid type hairstyle lays so flat against my head that it looks like my hair is painted on.. not a good look. Since my back/hip has been bothering me for so long I have lost interest in dying my hair to cover the grey so I had been letting it grow out. So all the artificial color is now gone and I gotta admit that there isn't THAT much grey ... just a little bit on my left bangs and the temple on that side (odd I know but then again I'm odd) so I don't see a need to dye my hair in the near future.. maybe I'll give that up for a while..

And we have an appointment to get our little poodle, Missy's hair cut tomorrow.. we're taking her little winter jacket with us because it's supposed to be another bitterly cold day tomorrow with a wind chill factor of -40 degrees celcius... brrrr... but she's getting matted and so we decided to invest in a clip and a shampoo tomorrow for her.. As she's getting older she minds going to the groomer more than she did when she was a bit younger... we all get grouchy when we get older...

Well I now have a storefront at Renderosity

This is so exciting.. just click the link and you can see my store (as of this moment I only have one item in there but hope to have the second in there soon)... my store front ... they have a half a million customers so hopefully I can make bunches of sales..

Continuing with the commerce news..

I also have a huge package of the angel wings in both light and dark colors that I'm putting in the renderosity store.. if they pass testing I'll end up with my own store in there and I'll post the link to that if and when that happens.. here's some promo pictures for that combined set..








Here's a picture I made using the midnight pink wings.. click on it and the other pictures to get the full effect..

OK.. more on my commerce ....

I have the foxes at one store.. the link is here ..

I also have come up with some angel wings.. they went up in the store yesterday and the link for them is here ... They are angel wings that are in psd format and what, you may ask can you do with them?.. well this... for one (see below) .. lol.. The wings went in the store last night and I heard that there was a sale of one set already.. I also did some dark wings that will be in the store as well in the next day or so...

First off my MRI

I got word that I go in for my MRI the 2nd of February and I have to go back to the specialist on the 20th of February. So I'm moving forward with this at least. But that's not saying there is anything that the doctor can do for me. We'll have to wait and see.

Tried going for a tiny little walk yesterday.. only a 5 minute one but it's better than nothing as they say.

Well another year has started and I have begun the new year being put off work for a month by my doctor (guess she got tired of me going in and blubbering all over her examining table). I finally got in to see the specialist and he thinks it's more in my back than my hip.. maybe a pinched nerve.. he will know more once I get the MRI done. So I'm waiting impatiently for my letter from the hospital telling me when I can go in and have it done. Since I've been off and take the Demerol I feel a lot better, in fact sometimes I think that I should be able to go back to work.. but then I have a morning like this morning and my back and hip are giving me grief again... so what can I say.. life sucks sometimes.. but it could be worse..

Since I'm at home with time on my hands I've been designing some 2d items and getting them ready for market.. besides the foxes (which are in one small online store already) I have designed and am getting packaged up some angel wings.. I'll post the promo picture here once I have it all done up. I'm going to put them in a huge online store for 2d and 3d items called Renderosity. May only make a few dollars on them but I should be able to support my creative addiction with what I can make... lol..

Below is a picture that I created with some of my 3d items I purchased or won.. Pretty well all of the items, the character textures and morphs, the hair and the clothing I got from winning on line competitions so lately I've not had to buy too much for my Daz or Poser addiction..

In the last month or so I've won a half a dozen competions with the total prize amount in the hundreds of dollars in product.. too bad it isn't cold hard cash.. but at least it's saved me from spending lots of the cold hard stuff..

I have ventured into the land of commerce...

As per my last post, I have a new toy and I've been drawing foxes with it.. I got enough done, zipped them up, put a readme file with them and am going to sell them to the 2d world.. here are the promo pictures for them..

Merry Christmas to Me!!

Christmas is coming and it's that time of year when Ron and I get something for ourselves for our Christmas present. We don't buy for each other, we just buy something for ourselves that we want and call it a present.. lol.. works for us.

So we were in Future Shop and I spied a Wacom Bamboo Fun Digital Drawing Tablet and I knew that was my present. They had two sizes, a 4x6 and an 8x5 and I decided to go with the larger one. That particular one was $200 + after taxes and I'm in love.. lol.. here's a picture I drew with the tablet, my first of many I'm sure... it's from a tutorial I purchased a couple of months ago doing this with a computer mouse is hard if not impossible but was mundo easy with the drawing tablet. I know that I have a lonnnngg way to got to really perfect this but I'm quite proud of my first attempt.

Got the Animal Dilated Eye Look Goin' on...

I was in for my annual visit with the ophthalmologist today so I can't look directly at the screen right now.. lol.. He reminded me that it's been 17 + years since I was diagnosed with diabetes and so far (knock on wood) my eyes have not changed since the first photos that were taken way back then.. so that's good. I always take the day off for this particular treatment because I'm not able to drive afterward and working on the computer is out of the question also I tend to get a migraine from the strain of trying to get my dilated eyes to focus. So I'm off today and will be doing some sewing which is easier on the eyes.

I didn't put at tree up this year. It seems a waste because we always go to Amherst for Xmas eve and day and we are living in the country so we don't tend to get company way out here especially this time of year when the roads start to slicken up with snow and ice. Also with my sore hip it seemed like too much of an effort this year.

Ron found an unpleasant visitor snuggled up to him in bed the other night.. a RAT!!!! He flung it off the bed but the time he got the light turned on and got armed with a stick it was gone.. but the next day he caught one in the kitchen but again he wasn't able to find something to kill it with before it took off into the livingroom. He went into town and got all kinds of traps, an ugly looking one that we have to be sure that the cat and dog don't have access to and a sticky trap. Behind our kitchen stove was a hole chewed in the wall where the rat got out so he put the traps there to catch the rat and it turned out the sticky one was the one that did the trick. He "disposed" of it without me being there to see and I'm sure glad he's here because I'm afraid the rat or rats would have free rein of the place. He said that rats are really vicious when they're cornered... *shudder*. He had caught three mice before this rat and we used humane traps to catch and release them but the rat went DOWN.. We also got some of those sonic devices to hopefully prevent more mice or rats from coming into the house.. ahhh the joys of living in the country.