Out of My Mind

Out of My Mind

Monday, May 02, 2016

Twin Steeds..

Well, here I sit, awaiting my pain meds to alternately relieve my pain and stop making me nauseous, a delicate balancing act.   I awoke yesterday morning with excruciating pain in my left shoulder.  Thinking it might just be that I slept on it wrong, I awaited the abatement of the pain to no avail.  So off to the emergency room to see a doctor.  Not a good way to spend a Sunday afternoon, rocking, holding my arm trying to ease the pain, counting down the minutes, then hours, until I got to see the doctor.  Turns out I have calcium buildup in my rotator cuff (not the first time, by the way).   So the doctor suggested I have a cortisone shot to which I replies, "Yes please, and NOW."  This brings to mind the thought I had a few years ago that I didn't want to have cortisone shots because they aren't good for you.  Also, she gave me a really strong pain killer which is something else I was strongly against in the past.   But as I was writhing in pain, I could have been told that drinking cat piss would have given me some relief and I would have said, pass me the straw.

I have a family member who is in chronic pain and is on a lot of pain meds.  I can remember sitting atop my twin steeds named High and Mighty, looking down my nose at my sibling and shaking my head at his weakness and thinking if only he could have some will power.  Well yesterday, I came crashing down to earth on my bad shoulder and got impaled with some shards of sympathy and understanding. Limping a mile in someone else's shoes is very humbling

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

hello *echo*echo*echo..... *echo

Wow, how the time has flown.  It doesn't take long for a year to go by when you're my age (and a year older tomorrow).  I don't know if I have any more followers but if I do, "Hi, long time no see". I don't blame you if you have long and ever ago moved on to greener pastures.  I hope your life is going well and that your health is fine.

We're finally getting some hot weather here on the east coast of Canada.  I don't mind the heat if the humidity wasn't so high.  There is a lot of humidity but no rain, or very little.  I think we're getting close to drought conditions.  

My health is not as great as it once was.  I have had to go on insulin recently and it has caused me to gain all of the weight back that I lost over the last 5 or so years and it's really depressing. I've also had the situation where 4 different kinds of drugs have caused me to have allergic reactions.  Two are anti-depressants (the irony is not lost on me), a diabetes medication and an antibiotic.  Now I'm scared to take ANYTHING new, even an anti-histamine which my doctor pointed out would be very rare and unusual for someone to be allergic to an anti-histamine considering what they are for.. but I won't put it past my body to be the one in a million.  

Is it possible that I'm a bad dog mommy.  Our little Shinese (Shih-Tzu/Pekingese mix) is a pervert.  She, and I do mean SHE, loves to hump everything from the cat to all her stuffed toys.  If the dog and cat are in the other room and I hear the cat yowling you can be sure that Tinka has her in a head lock and is going at it with her (yes, the cat is a HER as well).  Too bad they don't have doggy psychiatrists.  

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Clown Car


Every time I see a Smart car I think of a clown car in the circus.. how many clowns can you jam into it?  Well, only two clowns in this one.  We got a second car, a Smart ForTwo Passion (gas powered, 5 speed automatic).  It's a 2008 but only has 60,000 kilometers in excellent condition. It took a bit of getting used to but now we both love it.  Also gotta love how fuel efficient it is.

The one constant

In this ever-changing world of ours there is one thing that I can count on that makes my day feel "normal"... I hate housework... not a mamby-pamby dislike but a passionate hate!!!  I can always count on that feeling when I pick up a broom or a dish cloth.  Now, I blame it on the fact that the cyst in my spine makes it very uncomfortable for me to sweep (for some reason that particular activity causes me the most pain) but I don't know.. I think that pain is my body saying "F*ck this shit, let's sit down and put our feet up bitch."..

And since we have decided to put our house up on the market in the next year or so I realized that we are slobs, complete and utter slobs (animals included).  The real estate agent came to give us an idea what we needed to do to get the house ready and his suggestion that we "de-clutter" sent a shaft of terror right to my heart. Mind you, I got my bedroom done lickety-split because I moved the clutter from there to the room right next to it, the computer room where junk goes to die.  It doesn't help that hubby and I are both hoarders and the dog has a huge collection of stuffed toys that she has to drag, one by one, to the door whenever she needs to go and do her business.

I keep telling hubby that all the work he did on the house over the years and we finally have it the way we want it and now we're selling.  Doesn't make sense to me or my screwed up back.  It would be nice to release some of what I have been holding on to over the years but the whole moving thing is such a pain, literally and figuratively.  And I don't know how our yappy little dog will take to being around people all day, she was raised in the country where we very very seldom have company so she is very protective of her personal space.  Molly, the cat, on the other hand, is pretty laid back as cats tend to be and she could live anywhere.

Lesson Learned

I learned a lesson today that I should always have a video camera at the ready in case something surprising, cute, amazing or,
like this morning, something that is all of the above should happen.

This morning I took our dog, Tinka, for her usual walk and neglected to take my camera (I had a feeling I might regret it but didn't
go back for it because I wanted to be on my way.). We get to our neighbour's barn where they keep their horses and low and behold the
sweetest, tiniest little kitten came toddling out of the barn and over to Tinka. I know from having a cat of our own that Tinka loves
all cats although some don't like to be approached by her. So I let Tinka go over to the kitten to greet it but I kept a tight hold on
her leash in case I had to pull her away.

What happened next melted my heart and made me curse myself for not going back to get the above stated camera. The kitten was rubbing
on Tinka and pushed her face into Tinka's and Tinka was nuzzling, licking and generally pouring love all OVER that kitten. I thought
that we would have that tiny little ball of pure awesomeness following us home but she was busy eating when we left.
*note to self** never leave home without my camera!!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Self Blocking

Why is it that I always have such an active mind?  I'm always wanting to do or learn something different than what I'm doing.  Like right now I'm working on counted cross stitching of a complicated pair of wolves.  I know that it's going to take me a long time to finish and after picking it up again after Christmas this year I was able to finish one square (there are four large squares and four half sized blocks on one side of each square) .. I know it will take me as much as a year to finish so it's an on-going project but my wandering mind is wanting to do something else.  I was into beading, that has kind of went by the wayside, I did a bunch of knitting and that is by the wayside as well, and then I started using Blender to make a digital teddy bear and all of these were, I think, to take me away from my painting.. I think that the reason that I'm not sticking with one craft or art is that if I get really good I think that I will start getting commissions from people and that will make my art a job and will squash my creativity.  Ahhh the self blocking of the troubled mind.

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

The Sound of the Opposite of Silence

Why is it, that in day to day life, I find it hard to understand what most people are saying, but while watching TV I have to put it on mute when the commercials come on because the sound seems so blaring and unbearably loud?  Alternately, when the program comes on I have to blast the sound so that I can hear what people are saying? A riddle that is.

Saturday, March 01, 2014

Denial

   I don't always go down the road into denial land, but when I do it's not a meandering short stroll, it's a headlong, full speed ahead rush. And it's not a day trip.. oh no, it's a multiple months' long journey.

  In October of last year I was at the Doctor's for my quarterly diabetes check up and was told my weight was up a bit as well as my A1C's.   So instead of putting on my big girl panties and making adjustments in my eating, etc,  I decided to get my big girl panties in a bunch and turned my back on reality and even sanity itself.  How can a relatively intelligent woman of 62 be so stupid and destructive you might ask?  Well it ain't easy but I persevered.  I went off of my diet, started eating all the wrong foods and was stupid enough to quit taking my Victoza injections.  Yeah, that stupid.  And the cherry on top is that since October I haven't been checking my blood sugars.

   Lucky for me I had the balls to keep my appointment, a few weeks ago, for my blood test and last week for my appointment.  The news wasn't good, I had gained around 5 pounds and my A1C's were bad, very bad.  Normal  blood sugars are usually between 5 and 7-8.  When I got home I checked mine, finally, and they were 16, later that day they were 17 and that night they were 20!!! I was panicked... This is serious business, not to be fooled with.  All the bread, sweets and candy were wrecking havoc with my blood sugars.

   I finally opened my eyes and am making the slow, painful journey back from the brink.  I have an appointment with the nurse from the Diabetes Association a week from Tuesday and I have started my injections again and am watching what I am eating.  I might have been stupid but a least  I didn't STAY stupid.  I'm getting some better reading, with a reading of 8.5 yesterday before supper and today I even had a 7.7 before lunch and an 8.3 after.  But now that my sugars are down so much I'm feeling like they are too low and have been feeling shaky and off.    Although I still have a ways to go I'm hoping that I didn't do any permanent damage to myself.

I have an appointment at the ophthalmologist on Monday so here's hoping that my eyes are ok.  God watches out for the insane and little children or so they say.



   

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Cats.. gotta love'em

You gotta love cats.. how, when you move in for a snuggle, they make little chirping sounds in the back of their throats, and head butt you, then touch noses.  And when you go to walk away you notice, out of the corner of your eye, that they are cleaning every place on their body where your hands happened to touch them.