Well, I'm gonna start whining so if you don't wanna see it I would suggest you close this message (and it ain't a pretty sight so I don't blame you)..

As many of you know I have a problem with my hip, right leg and back because of sciatica. Well, I have been going to see a chiropractor because physiotherapy wasn't working and for a while it was working great.. now.. not so much..

Lately I'm in a lot of pain again, I find it hard to concentrate and I'm getting really bad headaches and my neck is constantly aching. Yesterday when I went back to the chiropractor he said that my right leg is starting to lose it's strength again and he checked out me neck and it turns out my neck is also out of alignment. I feel on the verge of tears most days and the depression is starting to set in again because I can't see an end in sight.

I see the specialist in two weeks time and if he tells me there is nothing they can do for me I'll have a big time pity party and you are all invited. I know there are other people in here that are suffering with chronic pain and some worse than me and I don't know how you cope day to day.. I know mine isn't life threatening like some in here who have coped amazingly well with what life has thrown at them.. But we are, after all, pretty self absorbed creatures and most times can't see beyond our little world of self indulgence, so I am wallowing for a while.

Most days I feel like a failure because I have been missing a lot of work again because of the pain. I can't take anti-inflammatories because I am allergic to them and so mostly I've been trying to cope without the aid of drug treatments. So if I'm quiet at times you will know what it's about..

If I didn't have my poser/3d creating to do and shut real life out I don't know what I'd do.. mostly I just want to crawl in a hole and hybernate most days...

So the whining is over for today.. thank you for listening/reading and you may go back to your regularly scheduled programming.. Kathryn

another day ... another pound...

They say you're not supposed to lose weight too fast but since this is only for two weeks, and I imagine some of it will come back once I start eating dairy, wheat and meats again, I'm not too worried.. I'm down to 178.6 this morning so that's three and a half pounds off in as many days.. I'm almost ashamed to admit that once I put my mind to losing weight my body just naturally loses without too much effort..

I got some corn flakes for my breakfast and so far so good.. I'm going to cook up a bunch of brown rice and vegetables today and portion them out and make up some lunches or dinners with them.. and along with the chili from the other day I should be able to make meals without having to worry about trying to come up with ideas for a week or so any way. I also have a big salad all prepared but I find I really don't care for salad in the colder months.. I like warm food that will stick to the old ribs... that's from when we were kids and would have to walk to school in the winter.. had to have a belly full of warm food to keep you going.. lol

My big goal is to get as much weight as possible off my body so that it will hopefully relieve my hip and possibly avoid having surgery... also if I get walking (shut up David.. I knew you were right all the time.. just didn't want to admit it!).. then the muscles will build up and make the hip more stable.. We can all dream..

Plus my doctor will be happy because my diabetes is improving already (and you gotta keep your doctors happy right... doesn't matter if I'm happy... phhhhtttt)... yeah... as if...

I've started a cleansing...

I've decided to do a 2 week cleansing. I'm not going the pop a pill route but decided to do it by eliminating certain foods from my diet. In doing so I should rid my body of certain foods that are known to cause the body to overwork to process them.

For these two weeks there will be no meats, no sugar, no wheat and no dairy. I know, what does that leave?.. Well, not a lot, but I can hack it for the next two weeks and then I'm back on the weight watchers again. I had gained back almost half of what I took off (at least it wasn't all back on : / ).. but I was feeling just worn out and tired all the time. So I was back up to 182 from the 170 or so that I was at before the dreaded "hip incident!!". But considering it's been almost a year with no exercise and eating to find comfort when I was suffereing it wasn't too bad.

So as far as what I can eat, I got some vanilla soya milk to replace the dairy, some soya faux hamburger and lots and lots of different types of beans to replace the meat, some corn flour bread and some rice pasta to replace the wheat. On top of that I am eating lots of fruit and vegetables plus rice and potatoes so lots and lots of fiber!!!! I thought that I'd be full of gas and bloated because of all the fiber and beans but so far so good. And I've lost 3 pounds so far and it's been only three days. I can live with this for two weeks and I must admit the chili I made yesterday with kidney beans and black beans was to die for... mmmm.. and it sticks to the ribs.
I wouln't want to become a vegetarian or something but I must admit since I've been without those foods my mind is a lot clearer and I do have more energy. Will keep you posted on how I do.